Epic wins and fails

I’m sad to say, dear readers, that this upcoming week’s review will not be about 9, now. This weekend I’m going to be occupied going to a production of The Phantom of the Opera, and I won’t have time to get to a movie theater. I will instead be reviewing the book Whitechapel Gods, and this review will be unique in that it is the first time I will ever be reviewing something I really hate, as opposed to any of my other episodes which were generally positive or at least balanced the negativity, as in my double jeopardy episode. I won’t spoil the surprise for you, but rest assured that Whitechapel Gods is going to get shredded.

And while I’m on the topic of reviews, allow me to say how happy I am that my Atlantis review has 91 views and counting! It’s racking up views extremely quickly, and on examination of the stats I’ve realized that this is due to the immensely helpful Dr. Fabre, who picked up on me when I first began making reviews and posts them on his blog, The Voyages of Dr. Fabre. So I’d like to give a little shout out to him and thank him for posting my videos! :D

On an equally positive note I’ve finally gotten confirmation that my BPAL (Black Phoenix Alchemy Labs) order has shipped, and the timing couldn’t be better, since I begin my Hellboy reviews in October and one of the perfumes I purchased is from BPAL’s new Hellboy line of perfumes. To be more specific, I purchased the Kroenen scent, as I’ve always been a bit of a fan of that gas-mask wearing lunatic.

I also urge any and all of my readers to send me suggestions for things to review. I can’t guarantee when I’ll get to each and every request, but rest assured that they will get used eventually. As mentioned, my email is countesscrow@gmail.com, so go right ahead and email me some ideas, or else leave me comments for the same reason. I promise not to bite, though I can’t say the same for some of the Lovecraftian monsters that populate my place.

And speaking of Lovecraft, I’m happy to say that I’m soon to begin writing a Steampunk novel that has a lot of tentacles and things that come out of the sea in it. Does it feature Cthulhu? No. Does it feature octopus men? You bet it does. I may post bits of it here as time goes by, hopefully for your delectation and delight (mmm….calamari.)

No news on whom I’ve been saddled with as far as a freshman, and as time has gone by I’ve begun to allow myself the luxury of hope in the case. She might turn out to be a budding mad scientist who I can lead down the gear and oil path of Steampunk. She might just be an awesome nerdy type who, even if she is not Steampunk, can appreciate my weirdness. I’m just trying to look on the bright side, right now. *Cues up Monty Python’s ‘Always Look On the Bright Side’*

Safe flying, airship pilots!

This is the sort of thing that makes me want to put on a gas mask and never breath the same air as other people ever again.

Well DAMN. I should have seen this sort of thing coming. Mercury goes into retrograde and everything goes to hell in a hand basket. Two of my friend’s cars have broken down, the internet keeps going on the fritz, my comments box refuse to work (has anyone else had this problem? Email me if so), and I get sick. Bloody fantastic. The illness is by far the worst aspect of things. It’s not the H1N1 by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a vile sinus infection that drains down my throat and makes me cough and hack like every other tragic heroine of Victorian literature. Breathing feels like sucking water. So I go on an antibiotic to deal with the bacteria that are picking out curtains in my nose and, of course, the antibiotic gives me stomach problems. Just lovely. So I’ve now gone off the antibiotic and am fervently praying that the bacteria don’t start looking at wallpaper.

On a more positive note, however, those pants I posted a picture of in my previous post arrived, along with a bunch of other items I ordered. I was all but deluged with packages. I would also like to thank the young man who was on staff in the mail room at the time, since he just gave me the packages, as opposed to forcing me to wait till they stuck a paper slip in my mailbox to tell me my things had arrived. Now I personally have no problem with the latter method, except for the fact that our college mailroom is not the quickest getting those slips written out. So even if, say, you KNOW that the package is there via tracking numbers some of the bitchier mail room employees (and for some reason it always seems to be the female clerks who do it,) like to refuse to give you your things. Even if you can SEE it, as has been the case on a couple of occasions.

And to continue on the package note, I’ve reentered the hell of Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab’s ridiculous waiting period. I should have known it would be a problem, but I went and did it anyway. Hope springs eternal, after all. But today I find out that they haven’t even shipped stuff that was ordered before MY order, which was two weeks ago. Good grief, BPAL, what on earth happened during that period? Did all your perfume makers go on strike or just sit in the corner rocking back and forth for a month? *headdesk* But I try to endure, since one of the perfumes I ordered seems likely to become a new favorite in ensuing days. The perfume is called

Ozymandias and it smells so unbearably good (like patchouli and sandalwood incense overlaid with something slightly floral) that after I put it on some that I was sent as a sample I walked around for the rest of the day with my nose all but glued to my wrist.

I have a new video up, for those who didn’t know, and I’m really impressed by the fact that it has gotten 48 views in two days – almost as many as the one I posted two weeks ago. I guess my popularity is on the upswing. I’d also like to alert my readers of the fact that the next video is only going to be about the movie 9, since I can find NO THEATER that has Dorian Gray as one of its films. If anyone actually knows of a place where it’s playing, please, for the love of god, let me in on the secret location!

You may have also realized that this post is early. I normally don’t blog the same week that I make a review, but I think I may start blogging every week more or less. Just keep checking back on Thursdays.

And on a final note, come October I’m going to do a series of reviews focusing on the Hellboy comics, movies, videogames, and anywhere else that big red monkey has managed to turn up. So if you, my readers, know of any other Hellboy related subjects besides the ones mentioned, send me an email and I’ll see if I can do a review on it.

Safe flying, airship pirates!

Of Hats and Britches

….well it seems I have, as usual, been over-excited about my return to college. Not that it isn’t a good thing, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the second and I’m already bored out of my mind. Now some of you readers are probably wondering why the Steampunk Aristocrat doesn’t get off her ass and do something, and here’s my reply: It’s too bloody hot! Oh yes, summer heat is a killer, as per usual, so I have spent this day alternately sprawled in bed with nothing on or else contemplating how much food I would have to displace and how many bones I would have to break so I could fit myself into the fridge. But for now all I can hope for is that the weather goes abruptly polar and I can actually go back to wearing my typical three layers of clothing without fear of heatstroke.

In other news, however, I’d like to introduce you all to my hat – yes, my hat, you read that right, your processor is not failing you. That picture below is said hat,

and it is the crown jewel of my hat collection, a collection I’d begun years before I became a Steampunk. Said collection also includes a tricorn hat, a floppy purple corduroy

hat purchased in Stratford, Canada from the awesome and now defunct shop Elizagoth, the headdress of a Balinese dancer, a black felt hat that looks like the bastard offspring of a topper and a bowler, a mini-top hat made of black satin, and two full top hats, one made of blue velvet with black satin stripes and the other constructed of brown canvas so as to look like a pith helmet. But none of them hold a candle to this beauty, my de facto ‘sweet hat’, a hat that may appear in other important pictures later on and therefore a hat you should know. It is constructed of black leather (it smells terrific), with a golden buckle bolted to the front, a couple of useless but pretty magnifying lenses attached to the brim, and, of course, the gorgeous spray of feathers pinned to the hat band. I also have a dark green ribbon cockade that I pin on in place of the plumes when a less ostentatious look is called for.

In other news I’m apparently going to be made to mentor a freshman in my dorm. Of this I’m less than pleased, as probability states that she’s not going to want anything to do with yours truly, and I, quite frankly, want nothing to do with her. What is it about dorm life that dictates that everyone become buddy-buddy with everyone else? When I was a fresh(wo)man I just wanted to be left alone to study in peace. *bangs head on table* But then that’s my inner mad scientist talking, who’s an antisocial bastard.

I’m also assembling a rather frilly ‘Steampunk travelling outfit’ for myself. I currently have just the boots and blouse (brown leather boots with buttons up the side and a loose blouse with lots of frothy lace), but I have pants on order (see picture below).

Now I’m just looking for a high waisted brown leather jacket. If anyone can advise me of where to find such a thing, I would be most thankful. If you want a more detailed idea of what I’m looking for, my general mental design is similar to that of Jareth’s from Labyrinth, but sans the pauldrons.

If you’d like to contact me, my email is countesscrow@gmail.com. Feel free to drop me a line about any such leather jacket, or if you have questions or advice for me, or just for the hell of it.

Safe flying, airship pilots!